Paper 1, Question 1
Dear French President,
I am writing this letter to you because your help is needed. When the Notre-Dame cathedral caught fire a few months ago, it was a tragedy that the world was made aware of immediately. Over a billion dollars was raised in the first two days after the tragedy happened.
Currently, the Amazon rainforest, which is mostly referred to as the ´earth´s lungs´ caught fire three weeks ago. People all over the world are just starting to notice.
The Amazon rainforest produces about 20% of the earth´s oxygen. I am imploring your help because you have the power to let everyone around the world aware of what is currently happening to the largest rainforest on our planet.
We need celebrities and people around the world to donate to our beautiful rainforest. I have posted on all the platforms on social media, but it has not caught the attention of many.
Thank you,
Estefany Ceron-Garcia
b)
The form, language, and structure of the news report and my letter are very different. However, they have some similarities. The form of the newspaper is designed to inform the readers about an event happening around the world. The people usually reading these news reports are people that are interested in these situations. For example, the audience for this specific news report is people who are interested in the Amazon rainforest. The purpose of my letter is to make the French President aware of the horrific tragedy that is happening on our planet. The audience for the news report and my letter are different, due to the fact that the audience for my letter is only the French President.
The structure of the news report and my letter are different in many ways. The newspaper starts with the title, ¨When a fire destroyed the Notre-Dame cathedral in Paris, the world knew in three minutes. But this most recent disaster has divided the internet” On the other hand, my letter does not contain a title. Instead of a title, I started by mentioning the date on which I wrote the letter. The date was the first thing I added because I wanted to stress that the situation is current and help is needed immediately.
The structure of the news report contains short sentences. Short sentences are a great way to emphasize great points. In this case, the author of the news report included ethos because it catches the readers´ attention. For example, ¨For three whole weeks, the single largest tropical rainforest in the world is being destroyed¨ In my writing, I use a very similar technique. I used short sentences to include ethos in my writing. Short sentences would be more effective in order to get the French President´s attention.
Pathos is also included in the structure and language of both pieces of writing. For example, the author of the news reports uses words like ´destroyed´ ´tragedy´ and ´catastrophe¨ in order to create a sense of sadness in order to have emotions impact the reader. In my letter I used words like ´help´ ´immediately´ and ´tragedy´ in order to have an impact on the reader´s emotions. I specifically used these words as a call to action.
Logos are included is also included in both pieces. The news report makes use of logos various times, for example, ¨20 percent¨ ¨2.5 million¨, and ¨73,000¨ These statistics are facts that support the author´s statement. In my writing, I included statistics when I stated, ¨20% of the earth´s oxygen is produced by the Amazon rainforest” These are statistics that helped me support and strengthen my argument.
Estefany,
ReplyDelete1A)
Good job writing your letter to the French President. When looking at the AO1 column, I could see that you had a clear understanding of the text, as you discussed many of the factors that play into the issue that has arisen. Additionally, you had a clear reference to characteristic features as well. This can be seen when you discussed the Amazon rainforest being the "Earth's lungs." For this reason, I would award you 3 marks. Under the AO2 column, I would say that you had a clear expression, with only a few errors that do not impede communication. As previously mentioned, your content is relevant to the audience and purpose, and shows that you had clearly developed ideas. Your passion for the issue was seen throughout. I would award you 3 marks. Total - 6 marks.
1B)
Your part B was well-written and shows that you understand the two texts. Under the AO1 column, I would award you 3 marks as well. I can see that you had a clear comparative understanding of both the news report and your own letter. You discussed ethos, pathos and logos, and went into some detail about them. You also had a clear reference to characteristic features throughout as well. Under the AO3 rubric, I would say that you gained 4 marks. I say this because I believe you had a limited analysis of form, structure, and language. While you did go into some detail about it, you did not go into far enough detail to make your response better. Additionally, you had a limited analysis of how the writers stylistic choices relate to audience and shape meaning. Total - 7 marks
Overall, 13/25
Hi Estefany!:
ReplyDelete1(a)
AO1: Detailed understanding of text seen by the tone and call to action.Reference to audience seen by “Dear French President,”. There is proper referencing to the form of a letter seen by the closing and the salutation “Thank you, Estefany…”. The tone is also made clear with “imploring your help”. The structure is also in short paragraphs which fits the form. [4 marks]
AO2: Written in short paragraphs. Proper expression. Content is fully relevant seen by “The Amazon rainforest produces about 20% of the earth’s oxygen.” and “over a billion dollars” and Notre-Dame cathedral caught fire”. [4 marks]
1(b)
AO1: Reference to characteristic features and understanding of both texts such as seen by “structure of the news report and my letter are different in many ways”, “pathos is also included in the structure and language of both pieces of writing” “logos are included is also included in both pieces” [4 marks]
AO3: There are five paragraphs and they all compare the texts and analyze them and they all have clear analysis. Although you could have improved your effects such as when you said “because it catches the readers´ attention” this is good but it is more general and surface level so you could have said that the author included ethos because it catches the readers’ attention using credibility in order to make them feel more at ease with the information being presented.
[5 Marks]
Total: 17 Marks
AO1: ⅗ marks
ReplyDeleteYou show a clear understanding of the text as you are on the topic of making the French President aware of the fire at the Amazon. You use two things to explain the importance of the Amazon, ‘planets lungs’ and ‘20% of earth’s oxygen’. However, I believe that you could have been more convincing if you are trying to get the Presidents attention. You have 50 words left and could add another small paragraph about the importance of Amazon and use the fast facts from the news report to do so. This would help you show a more effective understanding as well as characteristic features.
AO2: ⅗ marks
The content is relevant to the audience as you talk about the Amazon fires and how the president could help. Your ideas are easy to understand as your letter flows well while reading. I do think you could have gone more into detail. For instance, when you say people are starting to notice you could have stated the 200,000 or so people tweeted about the problem.
AO1: ⅗ marks
You show a clear understanding of the texts as you explain the form and structure of the tests. However, you don’t quote until the very end of your analysis throughout the structure and form of the section, you mostly talk about context and don’t go into detail with your explanations to be more effective. The last two paragraphs are great as you are straight to the point and quoted short information that is on the topic of your paragraph. You could have added more paragraphs talking about the language style between the two texts.
AO3: 5/10 marks
You show a clear understanding between structure and form as that is most of your analysis. However, as I said earlier you could’ve added more analysis of language style and how it shapes meaning and relates to the audience. For example, the metaphors being used in the news report, rhetorical questions, and so on.
Overall: 14/25