Paper 1, Question 2
The open letter by the famous entrepreneur, Richard Branson, has the purpose of having an effect on people´s emotions. In his writing he expects people to listen to his advice because he ¨speaks from experience,¨ allowing the reader to know that the author speaks from experience, has a greater impact and readers are more likely to relate and listen to his advice. Throughout his writing, he gives many examples of why some people decide to do the things they do. Branson believes humans focus more on ¨doing¨ rather than ¨being.¨ According to Branson, ¨being” is more important in order to achieve happiness.
Branson begins his letter by addressing the audience as ¨Dear Stranger¨ this is effective because an open letter is meant to be for anyone who can relate to the situation. The term ¨stranger¨ allows the letter to be open to anyone and it allows the reader to feel somewhat of a connection with the author. The author uses pathos in his writing in order to make the reader comfortable. For example, ¨… minced my words in front of tough audiences, and had my heartbroken.¨ This creates trust between the reader and the writer.
Although the language author uses throughout his writing contains pathos. The tone of the letter is mostly set in the second short paragraph. The author uses emotions as a technique to make the reader comfortable. The second paragraph starts by stating, ¨It´s OK to be stressed, scared and sad,” this has an effect on the reader because it creates comfort. It can be noted that the author uses informal language throughout his writing. This has an effect on the letter because it is meant for the reader to be comfortable and trust the author. An informal letter creates a more casual and spontaneous tone. Informal language is mostly used when speaking to friends and family. In this case, the writer used informal language to create a more personal rather than formal tone.
The structure of an open letter consists of addressing the audience, in this case, the audience is not group-specific. The structure of an open letter consists of short paragraphs. Short paragraphs are used in letters because it is a more effective way to emphasize important information. For example, the sixth paragraph is the shortest one because it is meant to draw the readers' attention, as the author states ¨Stop and breath... Be there for someone, let someone be there for you.¨ The letter is written in chronological order. The author starts by stating ¨Dear Stranger,¨ and ends the letter with ¨Happy regards¨
The author uses repetition in his writing. For example, ¨be happy,¨ ¨be there,¨ and ¨be bold.¨ This strengthens the connection between the reader and the writer. Branson mostly uses these sentences to let the reader that ¨it does not matter what you do, it is about being¨ His repetition of the word ¨be¨ changes the reader´s perspective. In this case, the repetition keeps the reader engaged in the letter because they are being addressed all throughout.
Ethos is used throughout the letter to create credibility. For example, ¨… most people would assume my business success… have brought me happiness. But they haven´t¨ This raises the credibility because the author talks about his own experience and gives advice to the people.
Hi Estefany!
ReplyDeleteI feel that you have a strong introduction, but to make it even stronger you could have connected “people’s emotions” to emotive language. This would have made your introduction stronger. In your next paragraph you do a good job of establishing Branson’s initial acknowledgment to the audience.I do like how you ended this paragraph connecting it back to the reader. You do indirectly write about the form, but I do think it would be beneficial if you directly state that the text is written in the form of a letter. In your next paragraph you write about tone and informal language, I feel that it would have been more effective if you separated these paragraphs. I felt that you had a good analysis of the informal language, but you only analyzed tone from the second paragraph. I believe you should have also established tone as a whole. You then write about the structure and you write about the “short paragraphs”, this is good but you could have also referred to the high readability. I did enjoy reading your repetition paragraph, as I wrote a very similar paragraph.
AO1: 4/5
AO3: 12/20
Hi Estefany – For AO1 I would give you three marks considering your understanding of the text – meaning, context, the audience – as well as the references to characteristic features. You made sure to read and demonstrate an understanding of the wide variety of texts.
ReplyDeleteIn paragraph two you introduced the audience which was strangers. You said, “The term ‘stranger’ allows the letter to be open to anyone and it allows the reader to feel somewhat of a connection with the author.”
The meaning/context of this letter was happiness and what you must do to achieve it; “Throughout his writing, he gives many examples of why some people decide to do the things they do. Branson believes humans focus more on ¨doing¨ rather than “being.”
For AO3 I would give you thirteen marks. You had a clear analysis that was well structured and coherent. You included an appropriate selection of elements form, structure, and language. There was a clear awareness of the writer’s stylistic choices including relation to audience and shapes. You made sure to use appropriate language throughout which linked you to evidence with additional explanatory comments.
The form was written in an open letter and contains all the necessary requirements. For example, Branson started his letter with ‘Hello Stranger’ and ended it with ‘Happy Regards.’ The structure incorporated short paragraphs; “Short paragraphs are used in letters because it is a more effective way to emphasize important information.”
Your language contained many different elements. For example, repetition was shown and focused on during your writing. Be happy, be there, and be bold were the examples used.
** Next time I suggested just adding a few more linguistic elements to strengthen your response.
Overall 16/25 – Good Job !!
I really like your introduction and how you opened your response. You make a clear reference to the purpose of the text, stating that it is to have ‘an effect on people's emotions’. However, I think that you went a little far into talking about the content of the letter. In your first paragraph, a brief introduction of the author, the purpose of the text, and how the audience relates is perfect. I still think that you did a very good job showing your understanding of the meaning of the text, as well as the audience. In your second paragraph, you make a reference to ‘dear stranger’ and how it is effective to the opening of a letter. You also did a very nice job including the pathos aspect of the letter here, explaining that the author is making the reader ‘more comfortable’. The quote that you used to explain this could have been shortened though. In your third paragraph, I feel like there is a lot of repetition happening. I also feel as though you could have expanded on the tone of the text much more and used more reference to explain how the reader is made ‘comfortable’. In your fourth paragraph, you briefly explain that the ‘letter is written in chronological order’. This could have been expanded on much more as your explanation for it was very general. You could have gone much more in depth on how the tone of each paragraph differs and how this affects the audience. I really like how you explain the repetition in your fifth paragraph and how it ‘strengthens the connection between the reader and the writer’. This is a very good point to make, however, there are other examples that you could have included in this paragraph, such as the metaphors and personification used. I feel as though your final paragraph was lacking. I like how you brought in ethos, however the text reference made was much too long. Here, you could have briefly summarized the entire letter, speaking on tone, purpose, audience, etc.
ReplyDeleteFor AO1, I will be giving you 3 marks. You show a very clear understanding of the text with your references to meaning, context, and audience. You also make clear references to characteristic features.
For AO3, I will give you 12 marks. Your analysis was very detailed as you describe each of your points well. However, I think you could have explained in regards to your specific examples. You also chose an effective selection of elements of form, structure, and language. You also show a detailed awareness of the writer’s stylistic choices and how this relates back to the audience.
Therefore, your final score would be 15 marks. Good job!